As the holiday season wraps around us with its warmth and cheer, I find myself reflecting on a year that has been anything but ordinary. Earlier this year, I shared a piece of my story — a health scare in the spring that turned my world upside down. It wasn’t something small or fleeting; it was a major event, completely unexpected, and one that changed my life in ways I never could have imagined. Now, as the year draws to a close, I wanted to take a moment to share how far I’ve come, what I’ve learned, and most of all, to express my heartfelt gratitude.
After my surgery, I was lost—literally and figuratively. It was like someone had hit the reset button on my life. Certain things stayed intact, like knowing how to use my phone (a detail my mom still jokes about), but other parts of me were just… gone. My personality, my memories, my sense of self—all of it seemed to slip through my fingers. I’d step outside and feel like the world was foreign, as if I were seeing places for the first time despite knowing I’d been there before. I couldn’t connect to anything the way I once had. It was terrifying.
The worst part wasn’t just forgetting how to do things—it was feeling like I didn’t know who I was. In those early days after surgery, I didn’t recognize myself. My personality felt flat, almost nonexistent, and I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror. She felt like a stranger to me—boring, listless, unmotivated. And while I understand why I was like that (after all, healing is a process), I couldn’t help but long for the person I was before spring.
But slowly, things began to improve. Bit by bit, my personality started creeping back in. My mom would notice little glimpses of “me” returning, and now, I feel like I’m finally starting to reclaim who I am. It hasn’t been an easy path, but I’m grateful beyond words for the progress I’ve made. There are still moments when I feel disconnected or forgetful—especially when I’m tired or stressed—but I’m no longer lost in the way I was. I remember conversations now. I wake up knowing what I did the day before. These might seem like small victories, but for me, they mean the world.
I owe so much of this progress to the people who surrounded me during the hardest times. My family, who stood by me every step of the way. My doctors, who quite literally saved my life. And all of you—your prayers, your positive vibes, and your patience have been a source of strength for me. I can’t thank you enough for sticking with me, for believing in me, and for giving me the space to heal.
Returning to work has been its own challenge. People don’t always know what to say or how to act, and there’s this unspoken expectation that everything should be “back to normal” now. But the truth is, just because I’m back at work doesn’t mean I’m the same person I was before. Things feel awkward sometimes, and I’m still figuring out how to navigate that. For now, I’m focusing on doing the best I can, because at the end of the day, that’s all any of us can do—our best.
The holidays have always been my favorite time of year, and despite everything, I’m determined to embrace the festive spirit. I’ve had plans (big plans!) to clean, bake, and organize, but life had other ideas. My house isn’t as tidy as I’d hoped, and I haven’t made the traditional Christmas cakes I was so excited about. But I’m learning to let go of perfection and appreciate the small things—the moments of joy, the time with family, and the fact that I’m still here to celebrate. Healing isn’t something that happens overnight, and I’m trying to be patient with myself—a lesson that, admittedly, doesn’t come easily to me. But I’m trying, and that’s what counts.
This year has been a whirlwind of emotions, challenges, and growth. It’s been messy and frustrating, but it’s also been filled with gratitude. I’m grateful to be here, to have people who care about me, and to be able to do some of the things I love. I’m grateful that I can sit down and write this update, that I can share my thoughts with you, and that I’ve made it this far. I’m not where I was before spring, but I’m not where I was after surgery either—and that’s progress.
As we celebrate this magical season, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for your support, your kind words, and your patience as I navigate this new version of my life. Your love and encouragement mean more to me than I can put into words. I hope this season brings you joy, warmth, and everything your heart desires. Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and here’s to an incredible new year for all of us.
With love and gratitude,
Nana